Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
