i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
