apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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