I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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