I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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