Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
