i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
