I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
