i need an iv and a liver transplant
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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