so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
