My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
