Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
