Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
