I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
