I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
