I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
