anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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