good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize