You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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