No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
