go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm eating all of the evidence.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
