Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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