What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
