It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
