what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
