i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
