he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
