In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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