Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
