My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
