I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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