May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drunk is not a location!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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