she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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