Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
