yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
