Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
