Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
