I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
