Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
