Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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