i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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