Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
