Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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