someone threw a dead crab at me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
