the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
