I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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