i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
