took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When are your genitals available?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
