I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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