She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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