We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
