Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize