wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
