he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
