Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
