So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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