Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
