I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
