My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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