I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
