I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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