I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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