People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize