I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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