Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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