I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My butt remains clenched, sir.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
