i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
