I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
