My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
