your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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