Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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