You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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