why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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